So, I know it’s really late for a political rant of any sort, but your comfort is one of my highest priorities, which is why I had to talk about it sooner or later.

The thing that bugs me about every election ever is the way both sides work themselves up into an animal frenzy. I remember it with Clinton vs. George Bush senior, Clinton vs. Bob Dole (I like Bob Dole himself, but despise their family’s business practices), W vs Gore, W vs Kerry, and now in the latest line of bull, McCain vs. Obama. Sides absolutely polarize and turn the other candidate into the anti-Christ. In particular, I’ve read on 3 or 4 blogs, and heard from several different people that, (quote)This is one of the most important elections of our generation(end quote). I think the assumption here is that once Obama is elected, the devil (Republicans in general, all Republicans specifically) will be thrown in the fiery pit, and the 1,000 year reign of Ombama (Christ) personified will begin. And because we all know Jesus wasn’t really black, the Republicans will simply refortify the boundaries against those freakshow homos and their selfish desire to get married.

Seriously folks, this election isn’t “one of the most important of our generation.” It’s like all the others, and specifically, all the others that were “one of the most important of our generation.” Unless it’s Godzilla vs. Mothra for the white house, it’s probably not going to be all that important. Congress will block the president at every turn, as Congress is given to doing, some people will blow the golden trumpets and slay the fatted calf, others will rent their clothes and bath in ashes.

It occurs to me that that was an excellent stopping point, but it also bugs me that none of the other presidential candidates (Bob Barr, Nader, McKinney, Charles Jay, Alan Keyes to name a few) ever get invited to the presidential debates. There are other people out there besides the big two, and even if they don’t win (have a snowball’s chance in Tuscon), people should get to hear them speak right along side the others.

Local politics never gets any coverage, ever. You have to do some relatively hard research on local stuff to get information. Which seems ridiculous, because as a general rule, the stuff decided at state level will effect me more than the stuff decided at a federal level. Unless it’s a constitutional amendment or casual Friday.

Lastly, I’m tired of hearing people talk about Bill Clinton as if he was the appetizer to the thousand year reign, John to Obama’s Jesus. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard people praise him with glowing accolades like, “except for the cheating on his wife thing, he was the perfect president.” Right. Which is why he lied in front of the supreme court. I really don’t care if he cheated on his wife. On a personal level, that’s a real bitch and hurts like lemon in the eye, but it doesn’t really mean a whole lot when it comes to leading a country. Thomas Jefferson and Kennedy both had mistresses to name two off the top of my head, and look what they did. Infidelity is an issue between the Clintons, and while I would have voted to impeach them at one point, now I would not. The thing is, however, he lied in front of the impeachment hearing, and that’s why he should have been impeached. Also; 400 dollar hammers, 1200 dollar toilet seats. It seems like I’m the only person in all of existence that remembers those. And to answer your inevitable question: no, the white house wasn’t really buying 400 dollar hammers and 1200 dollar toilet seats. These were misappropriated funds used to buy themselves hundreds of pounds of lollipops and gallons of mint julep. That is to say: who knows what they bought, but they didn’t buy what they said they did.

So, I hope you enjoyed this little talk. I feel like we’ve grown closer for it.